pinkdebster's Xanga

Extreme Home Makeover

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:31:09 GMT

I know it's last minute, BUT if you happened to see this in the next half hour or so.... the Extreme Home makeover tonight is in Beavercreek- the next town over from us. I know quite a few people that got to go over there this summer and see things live. I'm keeping my eye out for them! I think we know some people that helped, too, but I dont want to say for sure. But I'm watching extra carefully for little glimpses of them, too.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:19:31 GMT

Okay. I'm feeling much better. I was having trouble getting motivated to get things done, as it seems like I have extra time now. Which, maybe we do, maybe we don't. Anyways, in the time that I was not being productive, I spent extra time just being silly and enjoying the kids I have already. It made me feel so much better about everything. Not inspired enough to rake leaves when we went outside for a little while, but still. Better. I do love my kids. And they are hilarious. Danica has been talking so much more and we can understand a lot more too, so we can almost have 'normal' conversations with her. Alex has been changing his costumes about every 3 minutes since he was allowed to play with his skeleton suit (sometimes he's Spiderman) so his personality also changes every time too. Danica fell off the couch and when she came into the kitchen, I picked her up. I haven't just picked her up off the floor while standing and just hold her since March. It was the best feeling. I don't know if I'm really allowed to be doing it now either, but I did. I needed to. And she even was talking about it. It's sad that picking up my little girl was a big enough deal to talk about. We both needed it so badly though. She said something about holding her on the couch. Break my heart into a million pieces. I know I'm not strong enough to pick up Alex these days. But I might not put so much effort into not picking up Bug until the Tristan is out (I will try to be good while I recover, of course).
Anyways. We are taking a break from cloth diapers for a while, for a few reasons. I don't know if I mentioned it on here before or not. Anyways, I don't want to have a pail full of stinky diapers to deal with when I get home from the hospital. And I know that those who come to help would want to take care of things for me, but I'm kind of particular about things and it would just bug me more than anything, I think. And I'm going to need everything to be as easy as possible while living on very little sleep for a while after. Anyway. I was putting the diapers together tonight and thinking about how I might work out a system for a tiny one and one getting ready to not need them anyways. And thinking about how I'm going to have fold things so little to fit on him. Aww. And how I'm looking forward to using the covers that Danica could only use for a few weeks when we got them (when she was 13 months?). They say they start at 9 pounds. Once he's big enough to fit into them, I'll start using cloth on him as much as possible, too.
So I really am looking forward to meeting my new little guy. In my head he looks just like Alex. Alex thinks he has lots of red hair. It'll be weird if he doesn't! Mostly because Alex did. Danica's hair was old-man-bald style, but it was reddish too. I am super excited to use the Sleepy Wrap with him and actually be able to wear one of my babies for real. And I do love nursing. I'm hoping that it works out that I wont have to pump too much, if ever, and that we can soley breastfeed and not have to use bottles ever. That's what I'm hoping and Jesse is on board. We haven't bought any bottles, I still have my hand pump, so if it comes down to it, it's not too hard for him (or someone) to run and buy bottles real quick.
Okay. I could go on for a while, but I need to get to bed. I didn't want you to think that I'm just walking around depressed and frustrated all the time. I do try to keep a smile on my face most of the time! And I wanted to make it clear that I do really want to have my baby and not just be done with being pregnant. Feel free to keep praying, thank you for those of you who already are. The prayers to keep him in long enough definitely worked! Now we just have to pray that he comes out SAFELY and soon.

Oh. People always ask what we are going to call him for short. We don't know! We really do call Alex "Small" and Danica "Bug/Buggy"etc (she wont know you are talking to her if you call her Dani, no matter how many people try) but their nicknames came after they were out for a while. And so will Tristan's. We'll call him Tristan until something else sticks for a while, too. Just don't expect it to be related to his name at all .

37 weeks- I want to be done

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:28:46 GMT

I am feeling like it's time for me to explain some things that take up some more room than a facebook status.
I'll warn ya, this will seem kind of whiny. I'm kind of frustrated right now. sorry.

So everyone gets excited when it's time to have a baby. When you find out you are pregnant, most people assume they will go full term. Unless you've already had a preemie and your chances are lower. Well folks, today I am 37 weeks. Full term. We really were not expecting this.
Don't get me wrong. Full term is best for the baby. His chances of needing extra help with a lot of things goes down a lot and the chances of him being able to come home the same time I do (unless he has jaundice or something) go up. Which is awesome. And I am very much looking forward to that part.
The closer I got to the day I had Danica, the more anxious I was. In general. Getting past that day, making it to 33 weeks was a huge sigh of relief. And even though I knew it wasn't the safest to have him yet, mentally I was a lot more ready. And a lot more relaxed.
I got my last shot almost 2 weeks ago. Most people go within the first 2 weeks of their last shot. Getting to a week past it was okay. Now I'm just feeling annoyed.
Not to mention that I spent from the second the test was positive, I was told to 'take it easy' as much as possible. Now that I can function, it's not doing anything!
I had a bunch of really good hard contractions on Sunday night, but they were only every half hour and stopped at about 10pm. bummer. I was hoping it was the beginning.
Okay. So I'm ready. I'm mentally and emotionally ready to have this baby. I've been this way for a while. Apparently longer than I really should. It's starting to get frustrating. But yes, I know it's the best for him.
But physically. Ugh. I don't think I have had a single waking hour without pain since before I even found out I was pregnant. I've maybe had a handful of days that I could say I actually felt good. "Fine" for me right now is would be a pretty miserable day not pregnant. I'm tired, but I can't seem to get decent sleep (waking up in pain, having to pee, etc, etc) My back is killing and I go to the chiropractor but I can't be twisted at all since his head is so low, so he can only really do the top half of me. Which also means he can't do much to help my hip. My hip hurts the most when I take weight off of it, so every time I take a step, it feels like my whole leg is going to fall off. And the more I rest, the harder it is to walk when I get up. And I would love to just stay moving and get lots done, but there is so much pressure all the time from his big head. But apparently not enough to get me dilating enough.
Oh- and I have been having contractions sine the day before I hit 16 weeks. This is getting kind of old.
So while it's fun to have so many people rooting for me to make it to 39 or 40 weeks, I don't know if I can handle it. Honestly. I don't want to. I know I should be enjoying my last pregnancy. I've tried. I've prayed about it. I'm done. Every time he moves it hurts (which I know he's getting stronger and that happens, but there are stabbing pains with it most of the time too). I get horrible ripping pains on my lower left side when I sleep sometimes. I wish they hadn't told me that is where my placenta is. I have been so paranoid this whole time that my placenta is going to rupture again. And I'm tired of being in so. much. pain. all. the. time. I am looking forward to the lack of sleep and the craziness that is having a newborn- especially with a 2 and 4 year old! I want to hold my baby in my arms as I walk across the living room without wanting to cry with every step I take. I want to walk up the stairs without my belly hitting my legs on each one. I want to curl up and stretch my back when I need to. I am definitely ready to not be paranoid about a terrifying emergency all the time.
So while, yes, I am very excited to have another little one, right this second I am just really wanting to be done being pregnant. So please pray for me. Pray for patience. Oh man, do I need it. If you want, you can pray for little breaks from pain, even if it's just 5 minutes. And of course pray for a safe delivery. I would much prefer to have the placenta stay put until it's actually time for it to come out. Less risk for Csection, and less risk for our lives.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:49:25 GMT

The scary skeleton and cutest ladybug EVER.

I always wanted to do this.

36 weeks and 1 day.

Pumpkin carving fun: the results of

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 01:34:50 GMT

Jesse: the big one eyed thing with the knife he always needs to stick in his pumpkins.
Mine: The tongue sticking out.
Alex: Giant nose!
Danica: super round features with crazy mouth.
Tristan: has a little ghost and "Tristan's 1st Halloween"

weekend update

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:12:54 GMT

The laptop is alive! Yay! So I guess I am officially allowed to have Tristan now. Haha. j/k I am pretty excited though. The new power cord got here a lot sooner than we were expecting. yay! I really wanted to be able to post pictures of the new kid as soon as we could (and Jesse doesn't care enough to do it when he comes home at night) and also be able to let everyone know what is going on. AND now I don't have to drag myself upstairs everytime I need to ask Jesse a question during the day, or check on anything, etc. That was getting really hard. So I'm pretty excited about this.. if you couldn't tell.

Jesse's parents came down for a quick visit today. We got to go on a date! Jesse's doctor told him the other day that he needs to eat more seafood. How convenient for him. So we went to Red Lobster :) YUM. We ate a ton and then headed over to a book store. Jesse walked around forever, I looked at planners and things, but didn't like any of the options. He didn't get anything, but he did buy me a new Sudoku book for the hospital too. And then we went over to Walmart and I got a new nursing bra since all of my others are 2-4+ years old. My back is killing me now. The way I'm sitting, my lower back is much better, but my midback has been horrible. I so badly need to bend to stretch it!Ahh!

I had a dream last night that I had him except he came out a girl. I was like "so I was right and the ultrasound was wrong- it's a girl!" and we were really glad that we have a girl name. But I was really annoyed that I had all the boy clothes out and washed and put away for 'him' and I was going to have to put it all away and get out the girl clothes really fast. I think about that in real life sometimes, but then I think about the rest of the pregnancy. With Danica I gained real weight all over (though not a ton), and swelled pretty badly. I look so much more like I did with Alex. Only baby weight, can't really tell from the back, not swelling at all really. It's a boy.

Yesterday I had a ton of contractions all day. I really should have been writing them down. I kept thinking that I just got my shot on Thursday, it should still be working! Plus, I was too tired to start a real labor adventure, etc. So I decided that I wasn't really in labor. Obviously, I was right. I had a bunch today too, but not as bad and definitely not as many. Jesse's mom was really hoping something would happen... sorry! It would have saved them a bunch of gas though! The way I've been feeling, it's doubtful I'll make it to the end of the week. I'll be really surprised to get through next weekend. (though I do want to take the kids trick-or-treating, their costumes are so fun!) So we'll just see what happens. Most of the laundry is clean, it just needs to be put away so whoever needs to can find what they need. And the dishes are piled again. Mostly because I couldn't finish them yesterday since I didn't want to birth, so I should get back on top of that. And maybe tomorrow I'll dump the camera on here so we can keep it empty enough for Tristan pictures! yay!

Okay- I think that's a good enough update for tonight. I need to go to bed early again. But this time for real. It's hard to get good sleep when you have to get up to pee a hundred times and then it takes forever to fall back to sleep. Yes. I realize it will be worse when he's out and I have to be up to feed, etc him even more in the night, but why can't I get enough sleep before that? That is one thing I will never understand.
Okay- hope you all are having a great weekend! Goodnight!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:20:58 GMT

I should just collect my facebook statuses on here and then it would turn into a real update after a while.
I don't know how much I said about my laptop, but the power cord was craptastic so I haven't been able to use it for a while. A new one has been shipped now, so hopefully I'll have that back in a few days. We really want it for the hospital so we can keep people updated on all the fun.....
So- people who have done that- and I know there are a few of you- how exactly does that work when you are there?

Jesse and two of his friends have felt inspired to start doing physical activity again. So tonight they are playing racquetball at Cedarville. If this works once a week, he is considering getting a membership to a rec center so they can go swimming once a week, too. How is it that Cedarville doesn't have a pool yet? I feel like we've paid for it a few times by now!

Sorry I haven't been really commenting for a while. It's not that I don't love you! Sometimes I read blogs and I wonder where all the common sense has gone (so I'm being nice and not commenting about things). Sometimes I wonder if people ever smile (which honestly has made me not read a couple at all anymore). Sometimes I'm just too tired and don't have anything real to say so I just don't say anything.

I got my last shot today! Usually I'm starting to 'feel it' by Wednesday of each week, Thursdays I get the shot and then I'm good for a while again. But now there wont be anything to stop things! They say that most people go within in the first 2 weeks after the last shot. So when do you think he'll fall out? I'll be 36 week next Tuesday, so after this weekend I'm going to not be quite as careful about things anymore. I'm not going to be doing things to induce labor on purpose yet, but I'm not going to be taking as many breaks during the day, etc. I'm ready to be done. I'm praying that I go into labor 'normally'* this time, and I'm kind of nervous about it. You wouldn't think that people would get nervous about #3+, but I kind of am. It's a good, excited nervous though, don't worry. I don't want to have any annoying false alarms either.

So my doctor said that Tristan is at least 5 pounds now. Which is awesome to me. His heartrate is good, though not always quite as responsive as they would like. We had another hour long NST the other day. boo. But all is well. He is still definitely head down, though not pushing quite as hard on my cervix as he was a few weeks ago. Which makes things easier for me. My bones are separating though, and my hip is killing me. It's okay when I am still and when I put weight on it, but when I take a step and the weight is off for a second, it feels like my whole leg is going to fall off. Two nights ago is when it really started to hurt while I'm sleeping, too. Which makes it hard to get my last little bit of decent sleep before I wont be doing any for a while! This happened with Alex, too, so I'm not too concerned with anything. I didn't get far enough with Danica for this to happen.

* With Alex I had a ton of false alarms (but I didn't have extra kids to worry about so it wasn't as big of a deal) and then still wound up being induced.
With Danica, my placenta ruptured and so it all started really hard and fast and it was a whole big day of emergency.
This time I would like to have contractions for a while and maybe even have my water break and then head on over to the hospital. Since it happened once already, the chances of my placenta rupturing again are a lot higher, all we can do it pray it doesn't happen again. And if it does, that it's not too bad and the baby and I are both okay to not need a C-section. I really really really don't want to have that. Anyways, I would love to not have a huge emergency again.

Oh and by the way

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:23:03 GMT

I do still take pictures!
Danica has a funny new obsession with her goggles and must wear them. A lot.

Sometimes Alex needs a mustache or beard. It's colored on tape for his convenience.

This is Tristan's coming home outfit! I wanted to make sure that he had at least that new since pretty much everything else will be from Alex. (Gman's mom got him a super cute- much warmer- outfit too. It'll probably be too big to bring him home in though)

And this is yesterday. 34 weeks 2 days. This isn't really a maternity shirt. But it probably wouldn't matter because he's so low that even maternity shirts that do fit (and some that are too big) don't cover the bottom of my belly. You still cant tell from the back either (same way with Alex) but since Small was taking these for me, I didn't know how many decent ones I would be able to get before he took 3 pictures (I think?) with his fingers in the way. haha. He did pretty well with these though, I think!

october 15th

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:18:17 GMT

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Today is Aria's birthday.

I didn't know about the first one until yesterday. I know way too many people who have lost babies. Most of them miscarriages, some of them were born and then quickly taken. Though every day I keep this little one inside of me, my fear is less, ya never know what could happen.

For a while we really thought he as girl and we planned to give her Aria's middle name. 34 weeks and 2 days is farther than I expected to get, and babies that are big enough and healthy enough can come home this week... I thought it would be 'fun' to have my little one on her birthday.
I know that the longer I can keep him in, the better, especially since he is a boy. I'm not feeling any real labor pains today. (Maybe God's way of not getting my hopes up for an amazing coincidence?) And so I will not have him on this special day. Or name her after my dear friend.

Since this day of Remembrance is today, I am having a hard time not thinking of how it is "Babies who lost their Mama day", too. I don't think there is an official day for that. There really shouldn't be anyways.
In case you were wondering, R would have been 27 today.

So today, through the tears that I have now, I am praying for my loved ones who have lost their tiny ones. And I pray for R's family and her beautiful babies. And thanking Him for my midgets that are with me everyday and praying that I never know what it's like to have to hand one back to Him so soon. You should, too.

I go to the doctor every Wednesday

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:14:29 GMT

And I get a NST (Non Stress Test). It's loads of fun. Loads.
Two weeks ago I was unprepared for this. I walked in and the straps were on the table waiting for me. "Crap" 3 young kids with not a lot to do, since I was expecting the normal 10 or less minute checkup. And of course Tristan didn't behave either so I was strapped for an hour+. Not being able to do much to control the kids.
Last week, my kids stayed with Jen, because she's awesome (and it was naptime so she didn't really have to do anything) and I took the Gman with me. And once we finally got the baby's heart rate to stick, I was done in about 20 minutes before the doctor came in.
This week, I went prepared. Crayons and coloring books and Highlights magazine, and toys and books and water cups. The kids did okay. I give them a C+. I was supposed to get checked, so I got to lay there the whole time with the super cool pink paper sheet on me so I'd be ready as soon as I was done and the doctor came in. Except she was helping another doctor with a Csection this morning and there must have been some issues because she wasn't back yet when we left over an hour after my appointment time. So I didn't get checked. Which makes the rest of my day a little less painful, but now we don't know what is going on with some things. His heart rate was on the low end- still safe though. And of course he decided to be pretty mellow again, even after drinking a cup of cold water. So it took a while again (though not as bad as the first time). The PA's (or whatever they are) said he looked okay, but they would show the doctor when she came in. If she saw anything, they would let me know.
So unless I have some problems this week, I don't have to worry about anything until next Wednesday. When I'll be 34 weeks! Woohoo!
I made it past when I had Bug- 2 days so far! I made a cake to celebrate yesterday. It's so yummy! And I don't see why I shouldn't make it for the rest of our "we didn't think we'd make it this far anyways" milestones. haha. It would help me gain more weight, right? Speaking of which....
I don't understand why people who are already little and probably needing to gain extra weight during pregnancy are so careful not to. Not being able to fit into regular jeans until the baby is (ohmygosh) 3 or 4 weeks old never killed anyone. I'd rather be healthy and gain more than not gain enough just so I can be skinny again faster. But apparently that's just me. Maybe because I am so bad at being pregnant and I lose so much at the beginning.... I don't know. I gained extra with Danica and it didn't melt right off (the first few months were slightly beyond stressful, believe it or not) and I was okay with that. Once it was safe and I had the energy to deal with it, I did put some effort into it and it wasn't that hard to lose. And I'm totally okay with that plan again. Unfortunately, I'm having weight gain issues and don't think I'll have that "problem" again, but I wouldn't mind it at all. I'm little. I've always been little. I know that having a baby means gaining weight- for me and for him. So I'm going to eat. whatever I want (to a certain extent) and not feel bad about it- and probably hope that it gives me some chubbiness. If you offer me food, chances are very high I'm going to accept it. I'm totally fine with Jesse's new "Thursday is pizza night" plan. And probably will be until at least after Christmas. :)
Okay- just had to get that out there. Unless you have a real medical reason (like gestational diabetes or something) to not eat and gain more, I feel like it's always the better option.
And on that note, I'm going to find me a snack. That's not cake. I may have noticed that it is going away faster than planned and I want to savor it a little longer. So I'll go eat other things instead